Let's get this out of the way: I did not get into either Curtis or the Academy of Vocal Arts. I did not even make it to the final round of live auditions for either school.
Ouch. That felt like an emotional band-aid. It hurts my pride to put that on the internet. It makes me ashamed. It makes me feel like I've let down all the people who have invested energy, expertise, and love in me, starting with my mother and continuing through my teachers and friends. I feel like I have misrepresented them. For me, that is the worst part of any letdown. Anything less than brilliant success feels like it reflects badly on those who have encouraged me to shine. That said, I actually did close to my best in both auditions. My Curtis audition was fine. I got a massive adrenaline rush as I walked into the audition. I was literally shaking the whole time, which was incredibly annoying because it mostly affected my hands. So I probably looked terrified, whereas I only felt a little bit nervous. The panel was Mikael Eliasen (head of the opera program) and four students. I began with "Faites-lui mes aveux" from Faust, which went well enough. I sang and acted well. I moved around more than I would have liked, but it was all grounded in intentions and emotions. Then I had a little water. They had a little table with a pitcher of water and little cups on the stage, which was nice of them because the air was very dry. Maybe that was the wrong choice. Maybe they were judging whether you could make it through without water. Hmm, I didn't think of that at the time. Well, definitely too late to choose differently. Then they asked for "Svegliatevi nel core" from Giulio Cesare. I did a pretty good job with that one as well. They didn't talk to me or ask for anything further, so I thanked everyone and walked out, sharing a small smile with Mr. Eliasen on the way. Overall, the audition was good. Not my best ever, but definitely a solid try. I am proud of my AVA audition. And I am NEVER proud of an audition. My usual gauge for auditions is, "did I crash and burn and/or sound terrible? No? SUCCESS." This audition demolished that system. I really, truly did my best. I felt calm and energized, my voice was responsive and free, I was grounded and relaxed in my body, my breath was flowing nicely, I acted, and, most importantly, I performed. I was even able to incorporate some of what I learned in an exciting and wonderful lesson that I had the day before with the incredible William Stone. I only sang "Faites-lui," but I did my absolute best with it. The pianist started faster than I wanted to go, so I just slowed him down by singing in the tempo I wanted when I came in. No fuss, no muss; I wasn't even fazed. I'm really proud of that. When I confidently walked in for the audition, they asked me about my name, so I told them the ethnic origins of both parts. I was funny, but I didn't babble. I have a tendency to babble when I talk in auditions, so being succinct but interesting was a real triumph for me. After I sang, I thanked the pianist and the four faculty of the panel, then wished them an excellent day with a smile as I walked out. I represented myself to the best of my ability in that audition. In conclusion, although I did not get into either program, I did my best, learned a lot, and got more experience doing high-stress auditions. I would call this experience a successful failure. I can't wait to fail better in the future.
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AuthorMaayan is a Manhattan-based opera singer. Archives
January 2019
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