Have the women in your life ever told you of their experiences shopping for bras? Every woman has many stories about this and they are all different. Some women have had traumatic experiences. Others have had lots of fun. The stories vary from instance to instance and woman to woman, but it is a universal experience.
While your female acquaintance was telling you this story, what did you do? Did you interrupt her to tell her that bra didn’t mean to cut into her shoulders? Did you point out that she should have chosen a different cup size when she told you about one that was too big? Probably not, because you know she is aware of these things. Did you tell her she didn’t hate bra-shopping at all, that she secretly liked it? Probably not, because you trust her to know her own feelings. Maybe you asked questions about parts of her story to gain a better frame of reference. How are bras sized? Why is one brand better than another? How much do bras even cost? Why do you need them in different colors and styles? I’m guessing that mostly you listened to her story and interjected sympathetic noises or comments in the appropriate places, because this is a thing you really have no personal experience with. You can think about it all you want, but the specific realities probably elude you. Perhaps you have gone bra shopping with a woman. You have a better grasp of what happens than most men. However, you do not know the whole story. Perhaps you sat right outside her dressing room, hearing her make various noises and comments, possibly having her poke her head out and go ‘oh my god, look at this one!’ You were not with her in the stall though. More likely, you sat outside on a couch especially for waiting, playing on your phone. You watched her walk in with fifteen bras and emerge victorious with two, unaware of the process she went through in order for that to happen. Maybe you had the amazing opportunity to be in the dressing room with her, watching her take bras on and off and watching her experience and thought process. You are a very lucky man (for more than the obvious reasons) and you have a very intimate view of what she goes through. However, your experience is still fundamentally different because it’s NOT YOUR BRA. You observed and now you have a much better understanding. Hopefully you empathize. You can now tell men the secret struggles and joys. Congratulations. Remember that most men do not have your perspective and you have an opportunity educate them on the (in this case awesome and probably titillating) reality. Your story, however, will still be different than the woman’s. Let her tell hers. Men, when you hear a woman talking about feminism or being a woman, please listen and remember it’s not your bra.
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AuthorMaayan is a Manhattan-based opera singer. Archives
January 2019
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