Me: Thank you, Captain Obvious.
Sister: You're welcome, Captain Oblivious. Me: Can we both be Captains? Sister: Yes, we're captaining different ships; I'm captaining my ship and you're captaining your ship. We ship different things. Me: I knew you were going to go there. Sister: I thought about trying to stop myself, but then I disabused myself of that notion.
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This post is thanks to autocorrect.
I was texting with my sister, and she told me she was "sending the hugest ducking hug." Well, thank you autocorrect for making that PG, but that wasn't what she meant. However, I decided to make this a thing. Behold, Ducking Hug (2014): If I were a man, I would wear three-piece suits. I like looking good. I also like minimal effort. With a three-piece suit, you have the major components in your outfit taken care of. Just pick out a shirt and tie that don't clash too horribly and you're set. I would probably have lots of charcoal three-piece suits, white shirts, and black ties. Also pinstriped suits. So many pinstriped suits.
However, in my sister's words: "Actually, if I were a guy, I probably wouldn't wear three-piece suits." "Why not?" "Because I'd be a guy." My family has a habit of making puns. Terrible puns. These are the chronicles of some of our crimes against comedy.
My sister was washing her hands. Sister: ...and it was sooo cool! Me: Don't you mean soap cool? My family has a habit of making puns. Terrible puns. These are the chronicles of some of our crimes against comedy.
My sister and I had gyros for lunch. She had shawarma and I had falafel. Me: I'm so full! Sister: Don't you mean fala-full?! |
AuthorMaayan is a Manhattan-based opera singer. Archives
January 2019
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